SELF-CENTERED BEHAVIOR: A Common Characteristic Of Abusive People
This Is Part Of The AbusiveLove.com Website
In my opinion, the one common characteristic of abusive people is that they are self-centered. I have never met an abusive person who was not this way.
They see the world through a very different lens than the rest of us. Everything is colored with their own self-interest. People who can be useful to them are given more importance, yet vital matters that don't related directly to them are given little attention.
You would think that being self-centered would mean that they have a high opinion of themselves. Oddly it is just the opposite. These people have low self-esteem, but nevertheless everything revolves around them.
I believe they cannot be happy because they cannot get outside of themselves. They cannot see the world from another's perspective. They cannot belong to something larger or be a part of something bigger than themselves. They are in a sense trapped within their own selfishness. This is one of life's strange dilemmas.
This self-centeredness explains many of their contradictions. They expect a lot from others, for example, but others cannot expect much from them. They want friends and family to understand their feelings, but they do not understand the emotions of those they love.
They are abusive because they want you to do what they ask, do it immediately and not question their demands. Yet they do not want to help with things that you find important. They want you to be there for them; but they're not interested in being available for you.
Many self-centered people are depressed. When you think about it, it makes sense. Self-centered individuals live within narrow confines; they have no point of reference other than themselves; they are, in a sense, eating themselves alive.
I am reminded of the story of how monkeys can be trapped. A small hole is drilled into a coconut just large enough to insert a banana. This coconut is then attached to a tree. The monkey comes along, smells the banana, reaches in and grabs the banana and tries to withdraw it, but with his fist around the fruit, he cannot pull out his hand. Since he is unwilling to let go, he is caught.
Self-centered people are unwilling to let go of their selfishness believing that it is essential. Yet if they could let go, they could free themselves of their self-created prison.