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1.20 DOUBLE BIND -- PSYCHOLOGY ABUSE TERMS, CONCEPTS

==== Double Bind

MEANING: A situation in which opposite things are required and cannot be done.

This very important concept means that you are in a trap, that you cannot win, that no matter what you do, you will fail. Controlling mothers are famous for such behavior.

RELEVANCE TO ABUSE: A favorite technique of abusers is to put the other person into an impossible situation. Don't let an abuser put you in a double bind. Point out the error in what they requiring. Say I can do A or B but not A and B since they are opposites. It is also a controlling techniques used in discussions. See the example in the next paragraph.

EXAMPLE: Your husband/wife attacks something you are doing and when you respond explaining your reasons, he/she tells you not to be defensive.

OR Your husband/wife attacks something you are doing and when you refuse to respond explaining your reasons (because he/she said you were being defensive the last time this was said), he/she now tells you that you are not being open with your feelings and being withdrawn.

PERSONAL NOTE FROM RICK DOBLE: My 1st wife who was quite impractical initially admired me because I was practical. Later she ridiculed me saying that I was "boring and practical." Yet virtually every day she required my assistance in practical matters and became angry if I did not help her.

RELATED WORDS AND PHRASES: mixed messages, contradictory, catch-22, passive-aggressive, crazy making

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