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4.05 DISTORT, LOWERING, DISTRACTIONS, CHANGING THE SUBJECT -- THIRTY-FOUR EXAMPLES OF ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR

==== Abusers often distort.

They have a tendency to think you said something you did not or that you meant something you did not or to forget what they themselves said (see filtering).

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==== Abusers like to bring you down to their level.

You may find yourself becoming abusive in retaliation; in this case the abuser can say you are no better than the abuser. Note: Abusers are much better at arguing and winning so going down to their level means that you have lost; this is a variation of one person hitting another until the other eventually hits back.

==== Abusers often distract.

They tend to bring in all kinds of grievances that happened a day ago, a week ago, a year ago that have nothing to do with the current discussion. They love distractions.

==== Abusers often cannot keep to the issue at hand.

This is especially true when they might lose the discussion; they may try to change the subject or decide they have to leave or there's suddenly something else they must do.

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