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4.01 FAIRNESS, SPLIT PERSONALITY, CONTROL, PUSHING BUTTONS -- THIRTY-FOUR EXAMPLES OF ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR

==== Abusers do not play fair.

You will not be involved in an equal discussion; the cards are stacked against you; the game is fixed.

Note: For example, their statements may provoke contradictory emotions such as the feeling that no matter what you do it will never be good enough.

==== Abusers are Jekyll and Hyde types - you will often be dealing with essentially two personalities.

You may see a kind, caring side much of the time but then be confronted with a dark, angry, loud, critical, judgmental, uncompromising side that engages in personal attacks, belittling, manipulation and humiliation.

==== Abusive statements are used to gain or maintain control.

In my experience abusers will use anything that works to keep control; they even use rational and sensible arguments! They do not care which technique as long as they win. Note: rational arguments are something you should encourage while discouraging the other behavior.

==== Abusive statements are meant to push your buttons, provoke you and throw you off guard.

Things such as anger, guilt, disappointment, jealousy and regret are often used by abusers to get your goat. Note: in some cultures there is the proverb: make him stupid, make him angry.

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