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4.02 BELITTLING, AGENDA, HARPING, FAMILY -- THIRTY-FOUR EXAMPLES OF ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR

==== Abusive statements are often demeaning, belittling, humiliating.

If you believe what you are told, then you'll have less self-esteem.

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==== The abuser has a hidden agenda that even she/he may not be aware of.

The person wants to find your weak spot and then by manipulating that point of vulnerability, control you.

==== An abusive person may harp on certain aspects of your personality; your vulnerabilities are most likely to be attacked.

Because you are vulnerable, this kind of criticizing can be quite destructive as you may begin to believe it. Over time you will be conditioned to one of three things: either agree with the truth of what they say, do the opposite in a rebellion or avoid that aspect of yourself.

==== In a family there may be a pattern of mild daily abuse which culminates in a major argument every couple of days.

In this case, the abuser might say, "Remember I keep telling you that you will never amount to anything? Now by your actions today it proves that you really are worthless."

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