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4.09 NO COMPROMISE, DEFENSIVE, SULKING, CRITICIZING -- THIRTY-FOUR EXAMPLES OF ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR

==== Abusers often see things in black and white with no shades of grey.

The purpose of a negotiation is to find a middle ground, a compromise. Yet abusers can be quite inflexible, insisting that their way is the only solution and refusing to see any other possibility.

==== Abusers can make you very defensive.

You may find yourself defending what you're doing without even realizing it; abusers like to put you in this position because it is a position of power.

==== Abusers may sulk.

The cold quiet treatment is often preferred by some. This allows the abused person to read in all kinds of meaning while the abuser says nothing and thus feels that he/she cannot be accused of doing anything wrong.

==== When abusers criticize, they often do it to push your buttons.

Mixed in with real problems and disagreements may be veiled criticisms of you and your behavior that have nothing to do with the truth, but are designed instead to push your buttons so that you can be manipulated. You should always question whether a criticism has any basis in fact or is simply a way to control you.

=== Abusers often do not understand your feelings.

Abusers may not have empathy, sympathy or understanding of your feelings. On the other hand, abusers will expect you to understand their most delicate emotions.

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