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1.02 VERBAL ABUSE SELF-HELP: GETTING STARTED, YOUR FAMILY HISTORY AND FALLING IN LOVE

To get started, begin thinking about your past:

If you keep being attracted to the same kinds of people over and over and getting into the same kinds of destructive disagreements, there is probably a reason. And that reason goes back to your family history. Try to remember as best as you can the patterns of behavior in your family. Writing down these memories in a notebook is a good place to start.

Some experts believe that these patterns go back to a particular person. For example, some think a man is most often attracted to a girl who reminds him of his mother. I believe it is more complicated. In my experience the people you are attracted to will be a combination of people in your family. So instead of restricting yourself to thinking about one member of your family, instead think of your current problems and then try to remember where you encountered that same behavior in your past. I believe you will see that some of the patterns came from one person and another from a different person.

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Many of us, especially those of from dysfunctional families, will try to find a relationship in which we can heal the other person and in the process heal ourselves. In a sense we will try to heal the dysfunctional aspects of our past by trying to accomplish healing within a current relationship. I am not sure if this is good or bad, but it is important to be aware of this dynamic.

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